So I haven't updated in a long time, but I survived testing week (we had 3 hour 2nd period classes-which was INSANE).
Everything is going along fine, but really busy.
Nothing of note to report.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Oh dear
When reading this, please do not worry about me. I am doing quite well and am as back to normal as ever.
I had a pretty rough week, which culminated in a negative event on Friday during my lunch period.
Firstly, all week my students were acting pretty crazy. They refused to listen to any directions, they were being ridiculously disrespectful and I was just beginning to lose my cool.
On Friday I had "the talk" about 2 times and both times they listened for about 2 seconds then went back to doing exactly what they were doing before.
Then 'the event' happened. One of my regular lunch participants and student was sitting in his regular spot as normal (We will call him boy 1). I was behind him facing the computers, helping one of my students log on. Then a 2nd boy came in (boy 2) and placed his entire arm around boy 1's head sort of choking him. A few students commented on it and I turned around and told boy 2 to "take his hands off of boy 1" and when he didn't I went over, placed my hand on his shoulder and repeated my directions. He finally did what I asked but then boy 1 (who had his back to us) stood up, turned around and tried to either hit or push boy 2. But instead of hitting boy 2 he hit me (since I was standing right there) right in the face (around the cheek bone). It wasn't very hard and there is absolutely no physical damage, it didn't even hurt. Instead I was simply shocked that this was happening in the first place.
Due to a myriad of factors, I 'lost my cool' to put it lightly and began swearing like a sailor and crying really hard. First I told boy 2 to "get the f*** out of my room" and then went off on how none of the students "f***ing respected me" etc. etc. Now this was clearly not the way to react but basically that event was the big straw that broke the camel's back. I mean the kids think all their shenanigans are really funny, but all they are is draining. I was also crying a lot and couldn't even look at any of my students without bursting into tears again so I just walked out of the room entering a few times to grab my cell phone and my laptop. This lasted about an hour and I talked with several administrators, security, other teachers and my dad.
Everyone was very supportive of me and had nice words of both encouragement and advice, all of which were appreciated. Many of the kids were also quite concerned since they had never seen me act that way and some of them were afraid I was going to leave and never come back (while that thought never even entered my mind, I did consider leaving for the rest of the day if I couldn't pull myself together, though that turned out to be unnecessary since I did manage to get a hold of myself after a while). It is hard not to take what the kids do personally even if I know that is what I have to do. They're kids, they aren't talking to each other to hurt my feelings, they are just talking to each other because that is what they want to do. But when I work so hard and they give me so little, it just makes me so upset. I don't ask for much and they won't even give me that. I know that I can't change who they are overnight and make them into respectful human beings, but they're just so awful sometimes that it really drives me crazy.
Needless to say some new rules are being imposed for 2nd period and lunch time. I can only do so much, it is true, but I have to try to change things around because it is getting ridiculous and it has to stop if we are going to function until the end of the school year.
But as I said before I am perfectly fine now, I got a lot of the emotions out of my system and I am back on track for dealing with the students. What happened was an accident, and while the students will be getting in serious trouble for fighting, I am not going to add any additional burdens because I was physically involved.
I greatly respect and care about my students, I just wish that sometimes they could give me a little respect back.
I had a pretty rough week, which culminated in a negative event on Friday during my lunch period.
Firstly, all week my students were acting pretty crazy. They refused to listen to any directions, they were being ridiculously disrespectful and I was just beginning to lose my cool.
On Friday I had "the talk" about 2 times and both times they listened for about 2 seconds then went back to doing exactly what they were doing before.
Then 'the event' happened. One of my regular lunch participants and student was sitting in his regular spot as normal (We will call him boy 1). I was behind him facing the computers, helping one of my students log on. Then a 2nd boy came in (boy 2) and placed his entire arm around boy 1's head sort of choking him. A few students commented on it and I turned around and told boy 2 to "take his hands off of boy 1" and when he didn't I went over, placed my hand on his shoulder and repeated my directions. He finally did what I asked but then boy 1 (who had his back to us) stood up, turned around and tried to either hit or push boy 2. But instead of hitting boy 2 he hit me (since I was standing right there) right in the face (around the cheek bone). It wasn't very hard and there is absolutely no physical damage, it didn't even hurt. Instead I was simply shocked that this was happening in the first place.
Due to a myriad of factors, I 'lost my cool' to put it lightly and began swearing like a sailor and crying really hard. First I told boy 2 to "get the f*** out of my room" and then went off on how none of the students "f***ing respected me" etc. etc. Now this was clearly not the way to react but basically that event was the big straw that broke the camel's back. I mean the kids think all their shenanigans are really funny, but all they are is draining. I was also crying a lot and couldn't even look at any of my students without bursting into tears again so I just walked out of the room entering a few times to grab my cell phone and my laptop. This lasted about an hour and I talked with several administrators, security, other teachers and my dad.
Everyone was very supportive of me and had nice words of both encouragement and advice, all of which were appreciated. Many of the kids were also quite concerned since they had never seen me act that way and some of them were afraid I was going to leave and never come back (while that thought never even entered my mind, I did consider leaving for the rest of the day if I couldn't pull myself together, though that turned out to be unnecessary since I did manage to get a hold of myself after a while). It is hard not to take what the kids do personally even if I know that is what I have to do. They're kids, they aren't talking to each other to hurt my feelings, they are just talking to each other because that is what they want to do. But when I work so hard and they give me so little, it just makes me so upset. I don't ask for much and they won't even give me that. I know that I can't change who they are overnight and make them into respectful human beings, but they're just so awful sometimes that it really drives me crazy.
Needless to say some new rules are being imposed for 2nd period and lunch time. I can only do so much, it is true, but I have to try to change things around because it is getting ridiculous and it has to stop if we are going to function until the end of the school year.
But as I said before I am perfectly fine now, I got a lot of the emotions out of my system and I am back on track for dealing with the students. What happened was an accident, and while the students will be getting in serious trouble for fighting, I am not going to add any additional burdens because I was physically involved.
I greatly respect and care about my students, I just wish that sometimes they could give me a little respect back.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
OFFICIALLY ANGRY
THIS ENTRY IS GOING TO BE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM PISSED OFF.
Ok maybe not, but now you get my point.
Just 45 minutes ago at the end of lunch I got into my perpetual argument about why students shouldn't use words like gay as a slur and the argument devolved into a discussion on evolution. Lunch was over and students were heading to their classrooms and I was in the hallway. The teacher next door (the world's most inept social studies teacher) came out and asked what we were talking about. We told her, and she said that I SHOULD NOT be giving my opinion on religious matters. RELIGIOUS MATTERS?!?!?!!?!? And she tried to quote the Constitution at me. ARE YOU SERIOUS. This woman wouldn't know the Constitution if it hit her in the face. Repeatedly, which was what I was thinking of doing. HOW MANY TIMES have they talked about JESUS and GODS WORD to the students. HOW MANY TIMES. And how often have you or I openly complained to their faces?! what is that? Never? WHY YES. NEVER. NOT ONE TIME. Even though I am WELL within my rights to do that.
And what exactly was I doing?! Oh that's right... TALKING ABOUT EVOLUTION. A SCIENTIFIC FACT YOU OBTUSE NON-QUESTIONING PEOPLE.
Believe in religion all you want. That's your choice. But DON'T YOU DARE tell me I can't talk about evolution to the kids because I might "unduly influence their decisions because I'm in a position of authority" DON'T YOU DARE. The whole POINT of these kids getting an education is so they don't blindly accept what they are told. THAT IS THE POINT. I'm not telling them to drop all their beliefs and side w/me. And the kids know that. Hell they even stood up to that teacher trying to say I couldn't talk about this. I'm asking them to question their reality, not force them to accept mine (although that'd be a killer side effect).
But if she ever tries that again I will come down so hard that she won't KNOW what hit her. I'm officially making evolution part of my courses. I'll just have to teach social darwinism in all my classes in order to justify it. (In world history that's a no-brainer, I'll have to think about how to do it with economics.)
But all I know is these kids HAVE to question what they're told, and right now the teachers are just treating them like sheep and not teaching them to be CRITICAL THINKERS as in THINK and QUESTION what they are told, be it by me, another teacher, the news, or the KING JAMES BIBLE. I mean am I telling them it is all lies (whether or not I believe that is a different story)? NO. What I am telling them is they have to listen to what is out there, they need to have open minds and then they make their choice. Not just blindly accepting something because it is in the bible, I mean COME ON that's how we get things like the crusades and hate groups.
HATE IS WRONG PEOPLE!!! YOU KIDS SHOULD KNOW THIS FIRST HAND AND YET YOU TURN AROUND AND DISH IT OUT TO THE OTHER PEOPLE. DON'T LET THOSE AT THE TOP KEEP YOU DOWN! RISE UP AND CLAIM WHAT IS YOURS!!!!!
Ok maybe not, but now you get my point.
Just 45 minutes ago at the end of lunch I got into my perpetual argument about why students shouldn't use words like gay as a slur and the argument devolved into a discussion on evolution. Lunch was over and students were heading to their classrooms and I was in the hallway. The teacher next door (the world's most inept social studies teacher) came out and asked what we were talking about. We told her, and she said that I SHOULD NOT be giving my opinion on religious matters. RELIGIOUS MATTERS?!?!?!!?!? And she tried to quote the Constitution at me. ARE YOU SERIOUS. This woman wouldn't know the Constitution if it hit her in the face. Repeatedly, which was what I was thinking of doing. HOW MANY TIMES have they talked about JESUS and GODS WORD to the students. HOW MANY TIMES. And how often have you or I openly complained to their faces?! what is that? Never? WHY YES. NEVER. NOT ONE TIME. Even though I am WELL within my rights to do that.
And what exactly was I doing?! Oh that's right... TALKING ABOUT EVOLUTION. A SCIENTIFIC FACT YOU OBTUSE NON-QUESTIONING PEOPLE.
Believe in religion all you want. That's your choice. But DON'T YOU DARE tell me I can't talk about evolution to the kids because I might "unduly influence their decisions because I'm in a position of authority" DON'T YOU DARE. The whole POINT of these kids getting an education is so they don't blindly accept what they are told. THAT IS THE POINT. I'm not telling them to drop all their beliefs and side w/me. And the kids know that. Hell they even stood up to that teacher trying to say I couldn't talk about this. I'm asking them to question their reality, not force them to accept mine (although that'd be a killer side effect).
But if she ever tries that again I will come down so hard that she won't KNOW what hit her. I'm officially making evolution part of my courses. I'll just have to teach social darwinism in all my classes in order to justify it. (In world history that's a no-brainer, I'll have to think about how to do it with economics.)
But all I know is these kids HAVE to question what they're told, and right now the teachers are just treating them like sheep and not teaching them to be CRITICAL THINKERS as in THINK and QUESTION what they are told, be it by me, another teacher, the news, or the KING JAMES BIBLE. I mean am I telling them it is all lies (whether or not I believe that is a different story)? NO. What I am telling them is they have to listen to what is out there, they need to have open minds and then they make their choice. Not just blindly accepting something because it is in the bible, I mean COME ON that's how we get things like the crusades and hate groups.
HATE IS WRONG PEOPLE!!! YOU KIDS SHOULD KNOW THIS FIRST HAND AND YET YOU TURN AROUND AND DISH IT OUT TO THE OTHER PEOPLE. DON'T LET THOSE AT THE TOP KEEP YOU DOWN! RISE UP AND CLAIM WHAT IS YOURS!!!!!
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